What happened?
Haim Topol
"Arbinka"
A film by Ephraim Kishon
With Gila Almagor
"Just see how's she walking,
"If only she was smiling,
"I'd give her all the world,
"But everyone says" Arbinka, when will you grow up?
Arbinka, when are you going to grow up?
"If she'd ask to kiss me,
"just because she missed me,
"then I'd bring her flowers, to fill up all her hours.
"But they all say," Arbinka, when will you grow up?
"If she'd like to take a hike
"with me and my motor bike,
"then we'd go off on the track and never ever come back.
"Let them all say" Arbinka, when will you grow up?"
Arbinka, Arbinka, when will you grow up?
Direction & Script Ephraim Kishon
Subtitles: Elrom Studios
Arbinka!
Guess who?
Shula. - You're right.
Shula, watch my diet.
Razor blades, toilet paper, small combs.
Erasers, razor blades... Toilet paper...
Don't disturb the guests. - Razor blades, toilet paper.
Toilet soap, kid's balloons, big balloons, small balloons.
He's not in.
Lottery? Lottery?
I still don't get a red. Arbinka? - Nothing Yossi.
So much effort, knowledge, so much love and good will,
I put in, and what do I get? Nothing, robbers -Robbers.
You played doubles? - No! 7, 9, 9, 7. You see?
Weak. - No Yossi, I just don't have any luck. Any idiot can
buy a ticket from a kiosk in the street and win 50,000,
and me? I get nothing wholesale.
Why not me? Why? - Or me?
Fillet of steak? Hamburger? Bavarian cream?
Avi? Is there anything on this evening? - A Bar Mitzvah.
So bring me a small espresso. - And me.
Get out of here. Don't sit with the guests.
Pardon me waiter, that's no way to talk to my secretary.
A little courtesy eh? Razor blades, tooth paste,
shoe polish, toilet paper? Toilet soap? - I have some.
Razor blades, printing-press? Steam-roller? - I have one.
A steam-roller, he's got one. He doesn't even listen.
"Of course he doesn't listen. You're old-fashioned, Yossi.
"Razor blades, toilet paper, tractor. "
You, Sir, buy a comb! - I have a comb. - Buy another one.
I don't need it. - But if I punch you? - Punch me?
Punch you. Look, let's think logically.
I punch you. It hurts, 'cause I've got a strong arm
Understand? You yell, the cops come, witnesses,
statements, courthouse, lawyers, the works.
You see how it all begins? Dear God, we don't need it.
Isn't it simpler, more humane,
to buy a comb, that's almost new? - How much?
Two lira. - That's expensive.
Sure, a lawyer is cheaper.
Yossi, take it.
What about the other lira? - That's my cut. Commission.
They're my goods aren't they? - Yossi, don't be childish.
At last the business is going well... - Yosef!
I want my lira. - Here you are. A lira from the bank.
Let's play for it. - What shall we play? - Poker.
I don't play card games. - Not cards, Yossi, your head.
Poker in the head? - Yes. How? - It's simple.
You think of a number, I think of a number.
Whoever thinks of the highest number wins the kitty.
Think of a number, that's it? A lira in the kitty? - Yes.
Well? - So? - What's your number? - Hold on.
11. - 12. Waiter!
I kept thinking of 14 and the last minute, I said 11.
Why? I'll tell you why. Because head-poker
is a game that needs a good head. It's not like cards.
Another game. - OK. 2 lira in the kitty. 2 lira.
What's your number? - Don't look. - I'm not looking.
18. - 17.
Mr. Arbinka thought I'd say 15, or at the most 16,
but he didn't think I'd land him one like that with 18.
Really well done. Another game? Another one.
Another game? - Please.
What's you're number? Don't whisper it.
How annoying. I've got a great number. - Can I hear it?
88. - Wonderful. 639.
639?
You didn't say 639 in the last game? - What do you mean?
'Cause I only thought of 17. I don't understand this?
Why are you asking Yossi? - Let's play another game.
OK. You got any money? -No. - So you got no credit buddy.
Buy a comb or I'll punch you. - Who's this?
Don't be angry. It's a mistake. - Garbage.
Waiter! Two beers. Root.
Underworld eh? - Yup.
Cops!
Stop! - We just popped in for a minute. - Hold on.
Look at this. They've jammed the traffic on the highway.
They do this to me everyday. I don't like giving out fines.
That's what the law demands of me. What can I do?
Leave it. It's mine! - But I saw it first.
But I out rank you. Give him Article 15.
Article 15, failure to stop at lights. Yes Officer, sir.
You don't need to call me that.
You can just call me Sir. - Yes, Officer, Sir.
I'm here now. I just got here. I'm really sorry.
I just popped in to get a coffee for a minute.
You just popped in for a minute? Tell it to the judge.
Get him for 15. You can see that I'm here now.
Sir, you are preventing me carrying out my duties.
Good answer, policewoman. - Just for a cup of a coffee?
Now I'll have to pay for it. - Sir, one more word from you
and I'll get you for 83 as well. Parking on the side-walk.
You see? That's why people hate the police.
83a. - 83a. - But tell me, why on earth?
Sir, I'm not a State official, I'm just a policewoman.
Please Miss, I have just one question, if I may. - Yes?
What are you doing this evening? - I'm free. - Good.
Sir, I shall arrest you. Driving license please?
I don't have one. - Nice. 23. Do you have car insurance?
No. - You don't? - No insurance. - No insurance.
Actually, I don't have a car either. - You don't?
You don't have a car? - No, I don't
He doesn't have a car. - He doesn't have a car?
Who does the red sports car belong to?
I told you I just popped in for a cup of coffee, but
you don't give me a chance to explain, you just jabber on.
Article 23. - 23. - 83a. - 83a.
Article 15. - 15. - And 5.
Hallo Security Forces. I suggest Article 18,
23, 83, and all the best.
They're so good, I could eat one of 'em.
What, are you hungry too? Let's go to the bar mitzvah.
No Parking. What's that?
A fine for the doctor.
Don't touch it!
It's a fine Mr. Arbinka. - For me? - You're just a child!
May I?
Police? - Yes? - My bike was stolen an hour ago.
Why do they always steal it? I need it for work.
What? OK. - That's something.
Arbinka, 26, Elhanan Street. Yes, please,
You'll bring it to my home? Thank you, but when?
Thank you for coming. Congratulations Sir.
You're from the tax department? - No from yours.
Zigler. - That's right, Zigler. Thank you for coming.
Nice of you. Very nice of you.
Amos. And this is for little Gershon. When you're big,
and you'll be wise and well respected, like your father.
Nice. - Nice of you.
Well done. - Well done. - Well done.
What is it?
The kid looks stupid to me. - Like his farther.
Thank you for coming, Mr. And Mrs. Fuchs.
It's nice of you. Really nice of you.
And this is for the bar mitzvah boy.
Another book! - Gershon!
What's with you? What are you talking about?
Thank you for coming. Really, thank you.
Your happiness is mine. - Lf I'm not mistaken, you're
From the department. - Yes. From upstairs... - Yes.
Thank you.
Nice of you to come. Really nice.
And this is for the boy. - What is it?
Let's open it and see. - It's skates. - As I said, skates.
We also bought skates like that. - Then we'll change them.
Yosef. We'll exchange the skates. It doesn't matter.
Chopped liver to the left. - Thank you.
Fillet of steak, hamburger, Bavarian cream...
Very good!
Between you and me, it's a sign of bad taste, nowadays
to organize such a sumptuous bar mitzvah like this.
It's surprising with his salary that he can manage it.
It looks like he's doing over time on the side. - You think?
What did you hear? - As if you didn't know.
The parking lot? - Yes Zigler. We didn't talk, Weinreit just...
Never mind Weinreit, you're Not so innocent, yourself.
Excuse me, who's Weinreit? - You're joking? It's his party.
Thank you for coming. - By the way, I'm the photographer.
Now you come? - I had a wedding. I'm ready now.
It's your mother being clever again.
What did you say to him? - Baby's crying, you know.
Waiter, is this what I came to Gershon's bar mitzvah for?
At once. - Two. - Standards are going down all the time.
Altogether. Only weddings Yossi. Only weddings.
Oh, thank you. - That's all that's left.
The chicken in the kitty - OK. Chicken in the kitty
What's you number? - My number? - You say.
What difference does it make? - What number? - 2.
2? - 2. Why do you ask? - 662. Contra. - What's contra?
Double yours. Please. Bon appetite.
Waiter, could we get some more. There's no one to talk to
Let's go Yossi. We've eaten enough. I'm full.
If I could get a decent cigar now.
At yesterday's wedding they had two cigars like that.
You don't get a wedding like that every day. -That's a pity.
What's this? - It's my glasses. I'm just cleaning
my glasses. That stewed fruit with the plums?
I don't want to hear any more about food.
Excuse me, why don't you clean them on your shirt?
'Cause my shirt's tucked in, can't you see that?
I asked for whipped cream. Listen, don't tug alright?
I'm not tugging and I don't know you. - Arbinka.
Nice to meet you, Hershkovitz - Are you the photographer?
Yes and movies. Advertising. Look, here's my card.
To my secretary. - If you ever need anything, any time
pick up the phone... - That's fine. We'll find you.
Come on Hershkovitz. How long does it take you?
I'm coming, right now. Excuse me. - Of course.
I must ask you both to leave me alone.
Hershkovitz! - I'm coming.
This way please. Don't move. Smile!
That's it.
That's it. Thank you.
That's it.
You're from the department? - Yes, upstairs...
Funny, since we all moved in together in the new building,
I don't know everyone. - Well done. - Thanks.
We're all like one family here. Everyone came except...
Who? - Goldberg. No? - Goldberg didn't come.
He's a snake in the grass. - It's not his fault.
They're all so provincial, I'm telling you.
I'm fighting them because of... - The parking lot.
Yes, we're all only human. I'm afraid to say.
That Goldberg should just show his face round here.
It's not him, it's the workers'committee.
Exactly. At least there's one person who understands me.
At my coming of age, I want to thank my dear parents
my mother and father, and my family for all their good
influence on me during all of my happy life.
"Why does this road wind like a snake?
"Why do the paths all lead to the lake?
"Why do new buildings already have cracks?
This city in which we live. Who built the city of Tel-Aviv?
"Let him come, let him come, the man who built the town.
"And he'll tell us why the streets go round and round
"Why nothing in it goes on straight.
"How you get from the road to the street?
"How there's a bridge, but no longer a stream?
"There is light where we live, in this city of Tel-Aviv.
"Let him come, let him come, the man who built the town.
"And he'll tell us why the streets go round and round.
"That's the way it goes, and it's really a pity.
"They all want to live here, right in this city.
"Tel-Aviv, Tel-Aviv, Tel-Aviv. "
Where are we? - I dunno. I've never been here.
I'm so full. I ate so much. - So let me... - Just a minute.
The apple's the kitty. - OK. Can we start?
I'll start. - What difference? You'll drive me crazy.
Right. What's your number? - Two. - Three.
Contra! - Re-contra. - What's re contra?
Re-contra is double contra.
You always have to be cleverer than anyone else.
Always, more than anyone else.
I'm not cleverer, I'm just more concentrated.
What does that mean? - Look people aren't concentrated.
How can I explain that?
You sit and talk with a guy, who looks intelligent.
Eyes wide open, shining. Then what? You find out the
guy has no idea what you've been talking about. -None?
But, you can talk to another guy with an egg face,
totally stupid, dull eyes. You think he can't even
count up to two. And that guy, my friend, didn't understand
a single word that you said. You get me? - Of course.
The eye one catches on, and the egg one doesn't.
You don't catch on either. - Then explain it to me.
You're also not concentrated. Hallo! Hallo!
Where are you going? - Where?
What where? - Park at the end and leave the keys inside.
We'll see to it...
Now you come! I don't get it. Now they come!
It beats me. A lira.
Why a lira? In Frishman Street it's only half a lira.
So go to Frishman. By me, it's a lira.
You and your municipality. To hell with you all.
Why's he shouting at me? Do I decide? I'm just a cog.
Do I give the orders? Dim your lights and reverse!
Park close to the other car.
Why? - Don't ask questions. Just do it.
Please, dim your lights, go in to the left and park near him.
Get ready a lira and a half. That's what it costs now.
Yes please, come on, come on. Dim your lights.
Quiet! It's 4:30 in the morning. Some people work.
Can't hear you!
He must be bringing some of those girls of his home.
He's such a wild man.
Come on, Honey, come in. No one saw us coming in.
Put out the lights. We pay enough for the electricity.
Go and do some work.
"The Lucky Winners"
They're kissing. 4:30 in the morning and they're kissing.
You know all about it? - What does he do all day? - Just...
Put your dress on the chair.
I didn't know you were so beautiful.
How old are you? Just a child.
Seducing little girls! - What would you know about it?
What's up? I'm not alright? - Yes, you're alright.
"This Week's Winner" "50,000 Lira. "
Now you get here.
- 50,000 lira!
Congratulations.
Warmest greetings on behalf of the Northern branch.
Well done!
And now for the guest of, honor, who was an unknown
young man, and has become the envy of everyone.
We ask the lucky winner, how did you choose the
fateful numbers? - 8, 5, 7, 3, 1, 2, 3, 4,
- 1 and 2, bend, bend, stretch and turn,
bend, bend, 1, 2, 3, 4,
- 1, 2, enough!
Now we move on to another exercise.
Bend your left knee and now, we'll change legs.
One, -This is crazy!
- 1 and 2, 1 and 2, 1 and 2. Left and right.
Left and right. Lift your head and lift your buttocks.
It's crazy...
...stretch your leg and bend the other one.
Bend and stretch. Now to the beat. 1 stretch, 2 bend.
Bend, stretch...
Breathe in. Don't stop! Bend, stretch.
- 1 and 2, bend and stretch.
Bend, stretch, bend, stretch.
Try and carry on. Carry on a little longer.
- 1 and 2, bend and stretch, - 1 and 2, bend and stretch.
Left and right, bend and stretch.
Lie down flat. Hands behind your head.
Bend your left knee in the air. Lift the left leg.
And now bicycle riding. Ready? Begin. 1 and 2.
1 and 2, 1 and 2. A little faster.
1 and 2. Faster still.
And now, slow down, - 1 and 2.
Slowly, slowly, and now stop. Legs in the air...
Enough already. To hell with it. It's enough.
Liz! Liz! - What's the matter?
Something funny happened. The radio was crackling,
I yelled at it to stop and it stopped. - Yeah, sure.
You're not going to play cards again. - I swear, it stopped.
You'll see. It will happen again.
You and your fantasies. It's not even crackling.
So now, you can't even make a little crackle?
Morris, I'm scared. I'll die Morris.
I told you so.
Now tell it to stop. - You tell it.
You're a man.
Stop!
Wow...
Something's got into the radio.
Mr. Arbinka? - Where is he? - In bed, he don't feel good.
Mr. Arbinka? - Yes? Do you think that a thing like a radio
has a life like a person does? - Na, get out of here.
I just asked.
My grandfather. - You have a grandfather?
I had. He believed that things like a lamp
or a phonograph did have a life.
What? - What's up? Thank you, it's nothing.
My grandfather thought the phonograph hated him.
That's funny, isn't it? - Hated him?
Yes, and that same night, they found him dead, next
to the phonograph, with his arms round it.
And the record was still going round and round.
Wow, my head feels funny.
Morris!
I'm on my way.
You found it! You are amazing cops. Well done.
It's been 24 hours. Where did you find it?
Arbinka. The thief left it in the middle of the sidewalk.
What do you say, in the middle of the sidewalk...
But you did very well. By the life of me, that was a good job.
Just a minute. Don't forget to pay the fine.
So who will pay? The thief?
Who do you think? The victim? Get out of here.
Shula? Did you see that?
Very nice. Get in touch in two weeks. - A month.
Hallo. - Please meet the doctor. - Please move.
What, am I a friend of yours? - Please move.
Do you have a boy friend? - No. - No?
So maybe I can be your boy-friend? Move along!
Why do you drive me crazy?
Arbinka... - This is my buddy. - Pleased to meet you.
Wait here. We'll pick some flowers and be right back.
It's wonderful here. So quiet.
Say Yossi, are you attracted to policewomen? - No -No?
I am a lot. - Why, because of the uniform?
No, I also like 'em without.
"I have a policewoman, with a thousand strings.
Ants! - Look at those ants. Aren't they great.
Running, working, carrying. What order, what discipline.
Happily working and busy. It makes me sick.
But who makes 'em work like that? Who, tell me?
Lazy people don't win the lottery. - Robbers!
Are you never going to work Mr. Arbinka?
See here Yosef, as long as I'm young, strong and able,
I want, my friend, to lie in the sun and think, to enjoy
myself, to go out, come in, and maybe when I'm old,
and toothless, maybe, I don't promise,
but maybe, I'll get myself a job as a night watchmen.
You're laughing at me Mr. Arbinka, at everyone.
You see Yosef, I don't have time to fix the whole world,
I have to love it the way it is. It's a waste to hate it.
So what's left? To laugh. So I laugh.
But you always laugh, Mr. Arbinka. Always.
I was born that way, Yosef. What can I do?
When I was born, I came out, legs up in the air,
and head downwards.
So I see the world upside down and that's funny.
Hey, Ho, who's this? A nice cop.
Whose is that motor-bike on the road? - It's ours.
Wait.
They're killing each other and nobody cares a damn.
No one stops them. - Animals. Should we separate them?
Yes, sure but hang on, let's wait and see.
Hey cop, could I... - An eye for an eye.
He's strong, they're strong, but only the jet engines of
our passenger airlines are very much stronger.
What the hell is that row? - Hallo. - We meet again.
Carry on, it's interesting. - Please move on from here.
Why, we want to see? Carry on. - So kill the engine.
Put it on, put it off, put it on. - It's the garage that costs.
What does it cost? - 25 lira. - How much? - OK so 50.
Action! - Action! - No!
The automatic fridge that self defrosts all year round.
A washing machine that fits into any space.
The quietest air-conditioner in the Middle East.
Action!
From your fan club. - Please. Gentlemen, I warn you.
Yosef, let's go before she calls the cops.
Tomorrow, same place?
"Birenbaum Forest"
Straighten your back, raise your head, bend the knees.
Bend and stretch. Bend and stretch.
Raise your head and straighten the back.
Lift, lift...
Bend and stretch. Bend and stretch.
With all your strenth. Bend and stretch.
Stretch your body. Good. Enough. Arms outstretched.
Turn left. Face right.
Now to the beat. 1 and 2...
What does he want from me? - He hates you.
Why? What have I done to him? I even like him.
That was our morning exercise program. - Crazy.
What did we do wrong? How have we wronged him?
We haven't done anything bad to him. He's just like that.
Not really Morris. Don't you remember Yom Kippur?
It was only a little bit and it was salty. It was nothing.
We need more garlic on the radio. Mom says that helps.
I don't believe in all those things. Not beads not
peppers or anything else. Only horseshoes help.
Did you pay for the radio license? - Not yet
I'll pay it. I'll pay it.
We never had a radio get mad at us before.
Why?
What's that terrible noise? Doesn't it ever stop?
It's bad this morning. - Did you try talking to it?
We tried. We did. - And...?
Perhaps, Mr. Arbinka, with your connections?
I can try, but I don't promise anything.
Thank you and now... It's definitely cooperating.
Let me have a sign.
Enough.
The radio is in a bad state. - What should we do Doctor?
Dunno. I'd say you shouldn't work it too hard.
Maybe you shouldn't put it on so early in the morning, when
the neighbors are still asleep - We won't put it on early. - OK.
Thank you very much.
Hold on. Maybe it's better not to put it on at all.
I said maybe it's better not to put it on at all.
This radio, never? What do you say?
Answer me. Better not to put it on at all?
Not at all. Have you gone deaf? Tell me.
Say, can't you hear what I'm asking?
I'm asking if it's not a good idea not to put this
damned radio on ever again. So answer me.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you'we heard. You can stop now.
We got the message. Thank you very much.
Like a little boy playing with the electricity.
That's all rubbish. What are you doing here? Go home.
We don't have a bed.
Morris, don't go and get killed.
You'll see. You'll get yours. Both of you. Liars, cheaters.
Bastards!
Liz, you know why our electricity bill is so high?
This is his meter and this is our meter and our meter is
working for him as well.
"One of 1500 Prizes"
Don't fall. Don't move.
Move! Move! - And me...
The prize-giving will start now, Sir.
The happy recipient. - 15, 000!
I am happy to award this prize from the National lottery.
Number 113, series 57.
Bastard!
I promise you that I'll get to shake that hand.
Amen. It's a shame we can't get inside, Mr. Arbinka.
Who can't?
Once more our wandering mike gets to the lottery
and we are witness to the realization of all our dreams.
The lottery award, dear listeners, affords us
all great joy, but none so much
as for the directors of this loathsome organization,
who are about to hand over the prize to the winner.
Leave me alone now.
Good day to you, Mr. Director. Be good enough to tell our
listeners what are a citizen's chances of winning
the big prize. - 1: 1,300,000 - But that's not often.
In other words, no chance?
You got to be crazy to buy a lottery ticket.
And for all that, here we are with the happy winner.
Please. - Poor old me. - Sir, you are no longer poor.
You are rich. - Excellent. - Great.
Let's ask the winner what system he used
to buy the ticket. - I just bought it.
Do you always buy the same number? - I took it.
So you took a reserved ticket? - Who says it was reserved?
What do you mean by that? Tell me,
do you work in a series? Say 7, 9, 9, 7.
How do you do it? - I bought it in the street. - In the street.
Just like that? Without any special system?
You don't put any effort or any knowledge into it?
He goes in the street and he buys. Say man, d'you know
that every day I buy loads of tickets? Loads of 'em...
I work according to a system, and get nothing.
Tell me. Is it all a matter of luck? I don't understand
what do you do with my numbers. How do you
manage never to get one of them? How do you do it?
Robbers! It's my money! Give it back to me.
I invest it here, week by week.
Every week I...
I want to shake your hand, just once.
To be the happy winner from Nes Ziona or Tel-Aviv.
Or Zichron Yaacov, I don't care.
Get the police here at once.
Vehicle on the sidewalk. Get it taken away.
What's with the motorbike? - It's a lottery.
What's going on?
What are all these people doing?
Robbers, let go of me.
I knew it. It's the crazy guy again.
I won't. I won't.
Get out of here. Please.
Yosef!
Yosef. Don't leave me. Don't leave me.
Tell all the family.
It won't help you. It's my money.
And so dear listeners, we leave the building of
the National lottery and take you on to
the police station. Goodbye. Carry on.
Yona, this is Arad, 2 Over. - All clear. Over.
As it happens, I'd like to start a new life.
Let's escape overseas.
I've got a raft.
What are you doing this evening?
Sergeant? - Yes, policewoman. - What's the time, please?
17:00-Thank you.
Over. - Clear. - Over.
Clown. - Traffic-cop.
Remove your hand. - Sorry.
Examine the prisoner.
Nothing. - Profession?
Peddler. I go to coffee houses and sell razor blades,
toothpaste, shoe polish, cotton wool and balloons.
It's empty. - Of course. No-one buys anything anyway, so
why should I lug around something heavy with me?
So why do you take it around to coffee houses?
I have to make a living. - Your name?
Arbinka. A like apple and R like in Rhodes.
V like valley, like lily of the valley.
What's your profession? - Clown -That's true.
One clown -Yes.
Born? - Yes. - Living? - Yes.
Education? - Well, it's like this. Grade school. - That's it?
And that's it. - Father's name? - Don't know.
Mother's name?
The accused was in possession of at least
60 lottery tickets. - Why? - I ask myself that question.
The accused plays tricks all the time.
He impedes proper police procedure.
He is armed with a pair of sharp scissors.
Too sharp. - Believe me,
it's only for protection. - What's the charge?
Disturbance of the peace in a public place.
Honey. - A man of no principles.
Do you have a lawyer? - Mine is overseas.
Take them to 107. - That's all? - That's all.
No fingerprints?
Alright, so come with me.
Please.
Give me a whirl, on the motorbike. - Baby.
I'm going mad, I'm actually kissing authority. - How is it?
We have an audience. - Yosef, would you mind, please.
What's your name? - Ruti. - Ruti, that's a lovely name.
Ruti, I dream about you every morning.
Yes, I can imagine what you dream.
Ruti? - Yes? - How much do I get for attacking an officer
while engaged in her duties? - 4 years.
Yes, but if she complies, you get probation?
You know you've got a lovely smile.
It's well known. - Yes, smile!
Please will you get in your cell at once.
Please, sir, get in.
Good people! Let me stay here!
Police! I want to stay here!
You've gone out of your mind. What's going on? - I'm in love.
I saw. With a traffic cop.
What have you done to me? - I told you, didn't I?
For a few lousy tickets, I didn't need this.
Did you hear the girl at the cash register screaming?
What happened? - Nothing happened.
Who knows what they want. - Authority! What did we do?
Only 40 tickets once. Is that a crime, I ask you?
Why a pistol? - Is that a pistol? It's a water pistol.
OK, it's a toy but she doesn't know that. She could get
a stroke in the heart and die. - Poor thing. What can I do?
We'll see how you'll get out of this one Leon. We'll see.
What, you mean we're not in this together?
I told you? I told you?
All you playboys. Out! One, two, out in the yard.
And us? - How's that? - And us!
One, two, identity parade.
The attempted theft was only an hour ago, I'm sure you'll
be able to identify your assailant. - I'm sure I will.
They came with a pistol, - 40 tickets. Where's the cops?
We're here lady. We're the police.
Look at all these men and find the one who attacked you.
Point him out, like this.
That's the man! Just to show you.
That's him! Really, are you making fun of us?
He's been here with me all day. - Right, thank you lady.
We've finished for today and appreciate your efforts
in coming to help us. That's it.
Well done, Sir. - You're alright?
Aren't you ashamed of threatening her and
pimping tickets then?
Did you see how he saved my life? - I told you?
If you ever need anything
Frederick, Mussa, and Leon are at your service.
Don't forget Buddy.
Well done, my friend. Well done.
I love you. That's enough. Yossi!
Illegal use of electricity. Show up at 8:00 in the morning.
Are you crazy? - 8:00 in the morning?
If not, we'll hand you over to criminal offences.
Criminal offences!
You don't say? He took me to the same place.
He drives me crazy. What on earth came over
the guy? Really.
Excuse me. - I'm taking on the phone. What a nag!
OK Honey, I have to go.
Someone's on about something here. Bye!
Excuse me. Can I speak to Superintendent Steiner?
If he's not busy.
Mr. Arbinka? - Yes Mr. Steiner, Superintendent.
A very good comb.
Almost new. A bit dear. - A sense of humor.
And now, theft of electricity. - I took it from his meter
and connected it to mine. - You have a good lawyer?
So so, why? - You'll need him.
Excuse me. - Yes Fuchs? - Your legal advisor is
waiting to confer with you. - Damnation.
Never mind. I can come back another time.
You will sit down and I shall return very soon.
Bye the way, have you ever been inside? - No, why?
Stay inside.
Very funny.
There is a God.
Where's Steiner? - With his legal advisor.
What for? - Conference I think, or something.
Fuchs is there too. - Tell Steiner I was looking for him
about the bi-annual budget. I'm in my office.
Zigler?
Telephone! Telephone!
Telephone, no kidding.
Lady, there's a phone in There, ringing all the time.
Fine. I'm with Goldberg.
Hallo. Yes this is Complaints.
No, Mr. Steiner's not here. He's with the legal advisor,
I believe. But you can speak with Mr. Fuchs.
Oh, no. Mr. Fuchs is with him too.
Zigler? No, He's busy now, working on the
bi-annual budget. What do you say?
I haven't seen Goldberg, but I think,
he's in his room just now.
What? What do you say? Do I know Goldberg?
You're just a child. That's what there is today.
The committee report. - I'm on the phone, really.
What? No my secretary is always disturbing me.
No, she can't hear. We can talk.
But you say the old man wants to speak to Goldberg.
Something serious is cooking over there. I see.
How do you mean: Who would dare? You know what?
I'm prepared to go and tell Goldberg, myself,
that the old man wants to talk to him. What's the problem?
If I'm needed, I'm with Goldberg.
Goldberg. The old man wants to see you. - Right away.
I'm busy. - Goldberg, you don't want to start with the old man
again? You know him.
You're right, I've got enough problems with him already.
Do me a favor. Send the report to the filing room.
Right, I'll send it off with my boy.
Boy, take this, at once to be filed.
Do as you're asked, without arguing.
No questions, for Pete's sake. - But he's not. - Just go!
No discipline here with the messenger boys.
Are you telling me?
Hallo? Buffet? This is Arbinka.
I want a glass of tea, a cake and some cigarettes.
To the complaints department. Of course I'm paying for it.
Arbinka. Thank you. - Where the hell is that report?
Morning, Zigler. I just sent it to be filed, with the boy.
What do you mean, to be filed? I need it.
By my life. Hallo? Filing room?
Has the boy brought the report yet? He's there?
Good. Send him back with it now.
I've only got two hands Zigler. I can't go on like this.
Goldberg? What's going on? - I went to see the old man.
For you, it's still, Mr. Weinret if you don't mind.
Mr. Weinret. - Yes. - He asks that someone look
at the internal memorandum. Zigler, are you free?
I only got back yesterday...
Gentlemen! Please! Not in my room.
If there is any difficulty, don't hesitate to
apply to me through the usual channels.
Good. Put that there, that there, and that here.
They said to return it. - Good, here's the report.
Zigler, take it and bring it back by tomorrow morning.
You may leave. You know what Morris?
Come here, take Goldberg's note and read it through.
I want your opinion of it in 48 hours.
Me? - Yes, you. Everybody is a prima donna round here.
Who's that? - Don't know.
Thank you. - That's alright, Goldberg.
Hallo? Complaints. Yes. Mr. Weinret, I hear you.
Yes, the file concerning theft of current is here before me.
All in order, Mr. Weinret. Everything's under control.
You don't need to worry. - Who is that?
Don't know. I seem to know him, but from where?
His name is Arbinka. - Why? - I don't know.
He came in this morning and went straight into Steiner.
I knew it. He's from the inner committee. - Obviously.
Listen to the way he's talking to the old man.
Yes well. That's Goldberg, what can I do.
That's what we have to deal with. Is Zigler any better?
I've sacked Steiner. What shall I do?
D'you hear? - We'll round up the workers'committee.
It's absurd, this complaint. What's that?
You know what? I'll bring the file over now.
Gentlemen, this is an office and not a lounge. Please.
Alright. - Say, why didn't you come to the bar mitzvah?
It was an internal decision of the workers'committee.
I'm sick of you all, gentlemen. Fuchs, glad you came. - Me?
Prepare my car, please, for one o'clock.
I'm with the old man. - Sir, Mr. Weinret doesn't need
to be told everything, you understand?
Do I understand? Did I start work here today?
I've had a day today. I can tell you.
Be so kind as to sign here please, Mr. Weinret.
I've cancelled this report. It's absurd. Read it.
I don't have time now. You're from... - Yes.
It's strange, I don't. - I just met Goldberg
in the corridor and I had a discussion with him.
I said to him: You know me, I told him straight
to his face, " Listen Goldberg, that workers'committee
of yours is... " -Exactly, you have no idea what they did
to me yesterday in the board meeting. You must hear. - Yes.
Arbinka. - That's it. Please sit down. -Yes.
D'you know what they did to me yesterday? - What?
It makes your hair stand on end. - What do you say?
I don't understand how he could do that.
I've been working here for 9 years and haven't managed
to get accepted by the old man, Mr. Weinret. - Sure.
So what about Mrs. Weinret? - 'Course not! You mean it?
What do you think? Sweetie, Sweetie...
Quiet everybody. I can't do my work. Where's the door?
207. - I've only got 180.
What can I do? That's my way of looking at things.
You've certainly got a very quick grasp of things.
I'm not used to that. Good work. - One more thing.
Please. - A moment. Steiner,
another mistake like that and it's the end. You can bring
all your workers'committees d'you get me?
Now get back to work. You hear me? - And if there are
any questions, then see my aide, Morris. - That's all.
Another one? - All ready and waiting. - Forward.
I've needed a guy like you a long time. Where were you?
I don't like to be obvious. - Yes, but you've got all my
people like that. - You have to.
I've been watching you for a long time.
You know, you've got it.
And, you aren't sold on the... - Workers'committee. - Yes.
Sir, you were driving through a red light. - Me?
I'm not prepared to argue. Your papers please.
How's business? - Not bad, We caught a thief today.
What are you doing this evening? - Working.
So I won't see you? - Only if you break into the
National Lottery building. - Be pleased to.
Sir, I'm not going to fine you this time,
but next time. Off you go.
I have some influence in certain police circles.
Arbinka, you must come and visit us one evening.
Be pleased to, but when? - Any day you're free.
Free? Tomorrow I've got a bar mitzvah,
The day after, the foreign office. Friday a dinner.
Next week is totally full.
My wife is an excellent cook. - Is she?
So this evening?
Thank you.
What a delightful apartment. - Nothing special.
We couldn't renovate because of the bar mitzvah.
My husband had to take another position.
More efficient. - Yes, today we all have a few jobs.
Really? What do you do? - Movies.
Are you an actor? - No. Behind scene effects.
I've heard of that. We don't have any secrets round here.
Specially not with that lot. - The workers'committee.
Exactly, but please, let's not talk about that here.
Why not? - As long as he is still sitting there,
Goldberg. - Yes, as long as he's there, there's no chance
for cooperation with the workers'committee.
Only last week I said to them, "you're a committee? Is that
"what you think? You're just a group of risk takers. You
"should be the executive arm of the workers'voice, and
"what do I get from you, gentleman? Nothing.
"You don't know what you're doing,
"and they call themselves a workers'committee.
"You can't trust them or rely on them.
"You can't cooperate with those people.
"Who are they to treat me like that? A man who has won the
"confidence of the leaders of this city. It is shameful. "
Please, bring me a cigar, my love.
Helena! Bring me my cigar!
I'm sorry. - Yes.
So where was I?
Risk takers. - That snake. - Goldberg.
He dared to say to me "Weinret, you're my boss,
but you're still not omnipotent in this building. "
You can imagine what I said to him.
I said "your committee is like spaghetti for me.
"And I don't care if you tell all the board members.
"They're all terrorists and not real committee members.
"Do you know what a real committee is?
"Do you know what a genuine committee is?
"A committee is first of all for the workers,
"And only after that is it a representative of interests.
"Jewish National Fund" Birenbaum Forest"
What's up. Mr Weinret? We must be going.
Already? - We have a very important meeting.
The last bus goes -There's more than an hour till then.
It's the bus to Petah Tikvah, and it's an important meeting.
Thank you. It's business you know. - Movies? - Yes.
Wait. I'll take you to the bus station. - No thanks.
It's the least I can do. - Very kind of you but...
"To Petah Tikvah"
We're here. All out, gentlemen.
I'm so sorry but you've missed the last bus.
Never mind, Mr. Weinret. - No, I'll take you there.
I won't allow you to be late because of me.
Get in. I'm taking you to Petah Tikvah.
It's to do with filming...
Beilinson Hospital.
Petah Tikvah. - Yes. - Where to now?
Yosef, please. - What? - Mr. Weinret asks where
we're going, so tell him.
Over there. The hotel. - Yes. - Thank the Lord.
"Hotel Savoy"
Good night. - Good night.
What do you want?
Driving makes me tired. Could I have a black coffee?
Certainly. Why not? One black coffee.
Hey! What do you want? - We've got a meeting here.
It's about filming. - Yes, yes. - With whom? - With...
Yossi, you say with whom. - Hershkovitz. - Who?
Mr Hershkovitz I said.
Mr. Hershkovitz. Room 12.
I'm sorry. I didn't know you were asleep.
Leave him alone. - People are waiting for you down here.
Fine. He's coming down. - That makes me very happy.
Getting me up in the middle of the night. I asked them not to.
There's no one to talk to.
The middle of the night Mr. Weinret. It's not ready.
It's not for me. It's filming.
Here too. What d'you want? - Yosef, he asked. Tell him.
We want. - A short movie. - Very. - About what?
The Lottery. - Robbers. - Robbing the Lottery?
Yes, robbing the National Lottery. Is that bad?
Some time that'll be robbed too.
Why should they always rob other places?
Yosef, you got the meaning?
We will film how the Lottery is robbed.
- 50,000 lira. Yosef, Yosef. Action.
Yes. Action...
You know, a great idea. - But now, at midnight?
We're filming tonight, man. - Tonight? - Right now!
Where do we find a crew? - Child's play.
Weinret. We're going soon.
Hallo? Coffee? - Black. - Gimme the underworld.
I want Mussa, Leon and Frederick.
Beilinson. - I know.
"National Lottery. "
Lower. - Lower.
More. - More. - More.
Mr. Cop, Sir, excuse me. You're in the way.
He should move. Tell 'im to move. - Move.
Pardon me, what film are they making here?
"Robbery of the National Lottery" -Never heard of it.
Do you have a license? - We don't need a license.
Don't need? - OK. You'll get tickets for the premier.
You can leave the car on the sidewalk. - Thank you.
Everyone out please. - He's our driver. You stay.
Everyone out please.
Carry on. Robbers, carry on with the robbery.
"Robbers - 1"
What's all this? Police!
Quiet! Let us sleep. Damn the movies. - Are they filming?
Israeli movie industry. And I have to carry it all myself.
Shut up already.
I've appeared as an actor. Give me chance, will you?
I'm only temporary here. I hope.
Is it possible to talk to the director? - Can I come in?
Everyone be quiet. You're disturbing us here.
I sing in a choir, maybe you can arrange something?
There's no lighting, no script, no planning, nothing.
They want to make movies! - Guys, let's not waste time.
We must finish by morning or we've had it as
the workers are coming in. Mr. Weinret, be so kind as to
Bring Mr. Yosef's case please. Thank you so much.
The underworld. There's - 50,000 lira here.
I can't direct the whole project by myself.
Perhaps one of the actors could help me.
Leave the light alone. It's OK. He'll kill me, that one.
What, doesn't he know? What? - He's not a partner?
He's working very well. OK the underworld. Open up!
Who me? - Yes, you.
It won't open. - Why?
It needs a key -Screwball.
I'm a ticket pimp not a cashier.
Get out of it. Can I have the key? - There isn't one.
So, we'll have to do it by hand. Go and get all the tools.
We're doing it by hand. - Here's Mr. Yossi's case.
What's that for? - To put the money in.
And then? - What "then"? Afterwards Buddy,
"Lottery's good & it's healthy, I was poor, now I'm wealthy".
'S long as the cops don't know now I'm with them. - It's OK.
Don't worry about the cops. It's my money my friend.
It's yours? - We're in it together.
Hallo Police? Robbery! Disguised as a movie.
No, no. Not a cinema. They're filming a robbery.
I see. A robbery. What is your name Sir?
Weinret, with a W. Not with a V.
Then E. Then I. Not I. E.
Yes, I've got it. What do you want? - To report a robbery.
Robbery? What's your name please? Veinret? With a V?
With a W. Like Wobbly.
The Lord preserve us.
Who does the black Sussita belong to outside?
Why do I have to take a car away from here every day?
Your vehicle is blocking the passage of passers by.
Why are you looking at me like that? Y'understand me?
If you don't move that vehicle at once,
we'll have to tow it away. What are you doing here?
Are you filming? Making a movie?
Filming? Never mind. Carry on.
Get on with it! - You mean get on with it?
Let's continue the take of breaking into the safe.
Sorry, I didn't know that you were one of the artists.
That's OK. - Tell me, what's the movie about? That's to
say, if it's not a secret. - It's a short, about a young
man, who never ever won the lottery. - Yes?
One night he goes and - steals the big prize?
How did I know? I just saw the watchman standing there,
and I knew it was a robbery. - Guys, don't move the
equipment around. - Can we start the cameras?
How can we start filming in a mess like this?
Right, let's move. - A lot of layabouts.
By the way, all my men are at your service.
If necessary, I too, personally, will be
ready to participate. - Thank you very much.
Why are you standing there? Organize things by the gate.
Get on with it, Rachamim.
Spread out. Spread out.
No entry. They're filming
Guys, we found a good spot. They're filming a robbery.
Good. Over. It's fun there. They're filming a robbery
I see. Over.
They're robbing the safe of the National Lottery.
They get some ideas, like making a film about
robbing the National Lottery. The Lottery? Give me...
How does he look? The guy who's making the movie?
You know, the director? Young? Big nose? Over.
Is this the film? Shush, they're filming. Quiet.
Quiet, they're filming.
As you see I'm also good with pictures
Mainly on Shabbat. Take 'em, stick 'em in the bath,
Nice. - I snap 'em -Very nice. Really ugly children.
That's nothing. You should see 'em in the flesh.
Please tell me if I'm disturbing you.
Very much. - Thank you. And why do I ask?
Because I'm sensitive about disturbing people. Tell me
now, what will happen in the story-line?
Now someone jumps and yells, " Cops, it's not a movie.
"It's a real robbery. Help!" Or something like that.
Hang on. That means someone can come and say
"Listen everyone, I'm making a movie" -Yes.
And meanwhile he's robbing the cash? Not a bad idea.
In real life, it's harder as there are cops.
Sir. - Yes.
You can stop rehearsing. I'm ready.
Fine. Yossi. Cameras. Action.
Cops! It's not a movie. It's a real robbery.
Nice. - Cut! - But, excuse me
for saying so, but the acting isn't very convincing.
You see what I mean? You can see it's only acting.
You're right. Guys, that was very amateurish
I beg you. - Forgive me for mixing in.
No, you're quite right. Everyone. Once more.
Action!
"Police! It's a robbery!"
It's not a movie. It's a real robbery.
Cut!
So? What d'you say? Do it again?
I'll tell you. - What?
It can never be really natural.
But for an Israeli movie, it's not bad.
Do you know that you're insulting? I'm sorry.
Quiet. I want the safe breaking again.
"Robbers - 2"
Action!
What's up? - Please. Those are my actors.
They don't know how to break into a safe. It's a trade.
Could I have minute? Rachamim get a crowbar
and a hammer and show them how. Make it authentic.
Two of you after me. Excuse me.
Into the hinges.
Now you'll see real work.
Direct it towards the hinges. Nice. That's it.
Harder. Harder.
Actually, you're right. They won't have open by tomorrow.
You see the little guy? Maybe he can open it. Rachamim!
Right. Another tactic? Charge with the crowbar
into the center of the lock. Together.
Watch out for Rachamim's finger.
It's steel.
Mr. Director of the Lottery? So hear me out Sir.
I don't care if you're making advertising movies.
But don't do it in the middle of the night under my window!
Lady, we'll make ads and movies as much as we want,
even at night and even under your window. Good night.
Advertisement? For what?
Are we together?
Yes W. Like Wine but not Vine.
I got it. Now we'll do Ginger Ali's system
To your stations. Crane movement, one and two.
Ready, from your stations.
Now, together.
Fine. Lower.
Once more. Enough. Open up.
Hey, it's real money. - Yes. Action.
I told you. I told you.
Razor blades, shaving soap, tooth paste.
Shoe polish, toilet paper.
Where did you get so much money from? - The safe.
What's all this? What's going on here?
Quiet. They're filming here. Who are you?
Director of the Lottery. How did you open the safe?
With a crowbar and a chisel.
I didn't like the look of them from the first moment.
Rachamim, why did you let them go. Quick. After them.
They went that way. So we'll go this way.
Move, Buddy. Move.
And now they've pinched my car.
What's the name of the car? - Sussita, S. Like...
Mr. Arbinka, are you serious about taking that money?
Take it back, Yosef. It's my money, don't you know?
I know. They don't know.
Well done cops. Well done.
Are you out of your minds? - Yes. - You, don't mix in.
Did you break into the safe? - Not us, the cops.
With a crowbar. Green!
Wait! Wait!
Arbinka, I have to arrest you. - Can't hear you.
I have to stop you. - Sorry, no stopping here.
I finally get a boyfriend and he's childish.
Stop crying already.
Arbinka. You can't be a baby, all your life.
Grow up already, for God's sake. - I'm trying.
But it doesn't work. - I had plans for you.
I can't hear you. - And I dream about you every morning.
Stop crying. - I love you, Arbinka.
Do you? Then about turn.
Well done! - Leave me alone already.
Well done. Good job.
Sir, Tell them I didn't know anything about it. Tell them.
Hershkovitz. Be a man, Hershkovitz.
Such a pity.
"The National Lottery gets - 50,000 lira from Mr. Arbinka. "
"Arbinka"